Stand.

Merriam Webster defines the word STAND by three separate meanings.

Stand- verb /'stand/

1. to be in an upright position with all of the weight on your feet.
2. to move onto your feet from a sitting or low position.
3. to be in an upright position.

We've all heard pop songs singing of standing through diffiulcut times or perhaps we've had a well meaning individual quote a cliche phrase like " You aren't defined by how many times you fall, but by how many times you get back up."      I've heard this all of my life. 

But what happens when we don't get back up?  What if we have allowed the circumstances in life to knock us around and beat us down so much that it affects us physically, emotionally, and spiritually? 

I can recall moments where like in the dark boxing ring with the noise blaring and the crowds cheering that  I felt drug down and beaten up emotionally to where

 I could envision myself as the one flat on the mat as the clocked ticked with seconds away from being down for the count. 

I'm laying there watching and hearing all of life happening around me and fighting within myself to determine if there was any fight left? 

For me the definition of STAND could best be described as 

2. to move onto your feet from a sitting or low position.

This isn't a vocabulary lesson, but for me it has been the times where I am at my lowest, unable to go on, that God has moved me from my sitting, kneeling, flat on the mat-position, into a place where he plants my feet and gives me the strength to stand. 

As women especially, I think we compare and define ourselves too harshly. Does it necessarily matter that we are completely upright? Our stance may be low but it is our decision to stand in the first place that brings us up to where we are suppose to be. 

I want you to know that if you are going through difficult times and you are ready to throw in the towel, it is not your strength that will keep you upright. We can let go of the fear and the worry that we may not be enough, have enough, to keep it together. 

As professing believers we already have someone who holds us together. Though you may feel in pieces and not completely whole, you are complete.

Fight the Battle on Your Knees

2 Timonthy 3:1-7

But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. 

Be encouraged. Stand where you are and let God fight your battles. 

Arise and Go.

Many have asked about the story of how I ended up in Taiwan. Well, I can tell you it was completely unexpected and masterfully planned by God, like most things in my life and I suspect in yours.


In December of 2014, I set off during the Christmas break to spend some time with street kids and orphans in the city of Manila, Philippines. I had worked with a ministry site there in the past and felt that in the least if I couldn't be with family during Christmas, maybe I could be someone else's family even for a short while.

Before I flew to Manila, there had been a great deal God had placed on my heart. Trials from the previous year, things He was using in my life to generate change in the organization I was working for. It all seemed to be coming to a head and I found myself completely exhausted. Before this I had been seeking His wisdom as to whether to stay with my present school and country, or to move on as I had felt a stirring. Unsure of what was next, my accountability partner and friends prayed diligently before I left for the Philippines asking God to reveal where He wanted me to go. 

And there it went, a desperate prayer floating out to Him...echoing the desire of continuing to teach and serve in my heart.

I arrived in Manila and immediately felt rested and started to come down off a situation where I had felt burnout.  I began doing some art therapy with kids in the children's home (orphanage) there and took a special interest in preparing some new learning tools and manipulative for Preschool. I was in Manila about 5 days.

Enter in... 3 international teachers from the US whose flight was rerouted to Manila from Taiwan  They had originally planned to fly into Tacloban, a city south of Manila.. Now arriving to the ministry center in the rainy season of the Philippines.

We met briefly and discussed our common international school experience, they were stuck waiting on the next flight out, so we went shopping together the next few days to get the kids resources. We began talking more about the similarities and differences of our schools. In no more than a joke I said "Hey you guys don't need an art teacher do you?" And the reply from one teacher came "Well, yeah, actually we do!" [Here I am in a market in the Philippines shaking my head going no way.. surely it couldn't be that easy. Nah... just a coincidence. Right?]

Think about this for a second. I'm in the Philippines. Here are 3 teachers from an international school in Taiwan. I've been praying about God's placement and next steps for me. Here it is a big ole' opportunity hitting me in the face. My response?!!?  Nah.. too good to be true.

Does this sound too good to be true, sound familiar.? Well here's a story I can identify with in scripture.


And cue JONAH....

We all know the story about a man who God called out to go to Ninevah. God's heart for the city was to warn them from the destruction that would enevitably follow their sinful lives. I mean this was a town known for some bad stuff right?. And here's this guy Jonah. Called, Ordaned, Summoned by God with a purpose. His response.... "Nah." And he flees..... He gone.

So he takes off gets the next boat out, goes to the farthest part of this ship and tries to sleep it off while running away from God. He's headed to Tarshish. Like he could run from God, God sends some pretty powerful winds and a storm toward that ship. The scripture says " Such a violent storm arose that the ship threatened to break up."-Jonah 1: 4

Whoa. So panic sets in among all the sailors and they are like,, what is up? Something is not right on this boat. They prayed out to other gods, threw cargo overboard, anything they could do to keep afloat. Meanwhile Jonah... snoozeville. He's taking a nap below. They are like "how can you sleep dude? This storm is raging and you are reading the back of your eyelids? There has gotta be something wrong with you. Get up and pray and maybe He will take care of us!"  So then in further panic the crew casts lots to see who they think is the "problem" on board. The lot fell on Jonah. Here's scripture: " Tell us, who is responsible for making all of this trouble for us? What kind of work do you do? Where do you come from? What is your country? Who are your people? "

His answer " I am Hebrew and I worship the Lord, the God of heaven, the maker of the sea and dry land." .....Seems like a pretty powerful and noble response. They freaked out. "What have you done Jonah?" They knew he must have been running from the Lord. BINGO.

So we know the rest, they picked him up and threw him into the sea where a big fish comes along. Here's the part in scripture that I so love. 

"Now the Lord provided a huge fish to swallow Jonah, and Jonah was in the belly of the fish three days and three nights." 1:17

It's not that I loved he got swallowed by a fish, its that ... see the scripture again,,,
"God provided".

Only a few verses before the men where praying to God asking for forgiveness for throwing him overboard and praying that they be forgiven if he dies.  Even in Jonah's defiance God still used him to speak to the hearts of the men by demonstration of his power and might in the storm. 

So there he is, in the belly of this fish for three days and three nights. 
A lot of time to think.

As I type this I think about how our defiance can just take us completely off course. We make things so hard on ourselves when we rely on our own understanding. I am queen of the hard heads. I type in experience. This book of scripture is so powerful to me because it is an obvious demonstration of the lengths God will go for us even when we are running from him.

Recap:

Jonah is called, Jonah says no way, boards a ship to the city farthest from Ninevah. God brings about winds and storms to stir the crew to take notice of Jonah and get him off of the ship. Into the water where God has a fish ready and waiting to pick him up, and hold him for three days until Jonah can come to the end of his run and realize that in love there is nothing and nowhere that can prevent his God from coming after him. The beloved.

Understand this, maybe for you, and for me it's not a fish that He brings, maybe its another person, an opportunity, and experience. It is no coincidence that this fish was there at the right moment at the right time. Scripture clearly says "The Lord provided a huge fish to swallow Jonah."

  To protect him, to hold him, to keep him until he sorted out the fight within himself with God.

Until he chose to stop wrestling with God, and start nestling.

In scripture we find this prayer and I feel like I can see myself sitting in the pit of that fish saying the same beautiful words..

In my distress, I called to the Lord, 

and He answered me.

From deep in the realm of the dead I called for help, 

and you listened to my cry.

You hurled me into the depths 

into the very heart of the seas,

and the currents swirled around me; 

and your waves and breakers swept over me. 

I said, "I have been banished

form your sight;

yet I will look again

towards your holy temple.

The engulfing waters threatened me, 

the deep surrounded me; 

seaweed was wrapped around my head.

To the roots of the mountains I sank down;

the earth beneath barred me in forever. 

But you, Lord my God, 

brought my life up from the pit. 

When my life was ebbing away, 

I remembered you Lord, 

and my prayers rose to you;

to your holy temple.

Those who cling to worthless idols

turn away from God's love for them.

But I, with shouts of grateful praise, will sacrifice to you. 

What I have vowed, I will make good

I will say, "Salvation comes from the Lord."

And the Lord commanded the fish to spit Jonah onto dry land.

The takeaway from this:

If you find yourself at times being the hardheaded child of God, just know that He already knows this about you. He has called you with a purpose and a plan. In the times we want to do something the least, lean in on this and discern why it is you are fighting it so hard. Perhaps it is exactly where He needs you to be. And if it takes you somewhere else, He will do whatever it takes to bring you back on course.     

Spirit lead me where my trust is without boarders, wherever you might call me.